New Marketing Scheme?....

Here I thought McD's was supposedly on a health kick. Looks more like they are targeting those interested in cunilingus, euthanasia, and homo-pedophilia. Not available in all areas. Prices and participation may vary. Damn, now I'm hungry.

Movin On...

Hell with it - I think I'll finally make the jump. I'm in the process of setting up a myspace page. Why the hell not, right? I think I'll keep this as well - we'll see. What's the difference anyway? It'll take a few days I guess. I want it to look good enough that forty year old men moonlighting as teenagers will wanna abduct me...lol. We'll see how she goes...

An Essential SOB List Of Obscurities...

Can you tell I'm bored? Fine. Whatever. Anyway, I think I should list ten movies one may have missed somewhere along the line. Cinematic gems. Masterpieces. FILMS. Anyway, the fact that 5 people (at the most) look at this page makes it all the more seemingly ridiculous. They've pro'bly seen all these gems. Oh well, what the fuck. Here goes nothing (literally).


Casualties Of War
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Popcorn
The Devil's Rejects
Memento
Buffalo '66
Clay Pigeons
Trees Lounge
Poolroom Junkies
Harvey

Brand New A.T.T.5

All-Time Top Five Comedians(IMO)

Mitch Hedberg
Jerry Seinfeld
Richard Pryor
Jim Gaffigan
Lenny Bruce

Hollow...

You know, I just realized something. I don't care. Not about anything in particular. I just don't care. About anything. Why bother? What's the point? Why get worked-up and passionate about anything, especially since we cannot control 99% of it? I don't care.

The question now should be, "What kind of person does this make me? How will others receive me?" I don't care what people will think of me. That would just be another headache. I don't like headaches. I've had them all my life for several different reasons. They annoy me. Avoiding headaches would be wonderful.

Now I suppose I must explain this epiphany, if you will call it so. I don't care about things I cannot control, things that don't directly affect me. There are minute, insignificant things I surely care about. Material things - things that don't matter. One has to care about these things in order to maintain some level of humanity. Of course, I care about family and friends and other human and social interactions one must have for survival. Thats what seperates us from psychopaths and serial killers.

If I were to continue down this road at this time I might delve much deeper into this abyss of thought and give myself a headache, which I want to avoid. I guess I have some inner demons and hypocracies to work themselves out. Oh well - I think I'll go read now. I don't know why, but I think I will.

A Message From Borat...

Hello, I am a Borat Sagdiyev from Kazakhstan. My new movie-film is now in the movie-houses in the U. S and A. Please, you watch. If movie-film is not success, I will be executed. I enjoyed my times in America very much, but it is good to be back home.

While I was in the U. S and A. my sister became the number three prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. I very proud of sexy times and fornications. She's very nice at sexy times. Wowa-wee-a! I brought home many things from your great country. One is collection of Victoria's Secrets sexy time books. I sell them for many profits here. The best ones have the Tyra Banks in them, with the chocolate face and chocolate boobies. Very nice!! I get four chickens for those. High five! I love the U. S. and A.!!! My hopes is I might return very soon to acquire more culture learnings for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan. I hopes to also acquire more sexy times books and bring plenty of pubic hairs to pay for large collection. Please, you watch my movie. I wish not to die before my wife turn thirteen.

Freddy Fender (1937 - 2006)

Today seemed to be heading in an odd, melancholy direction. I noticed it when I got off of work this morning. I couldn't put my finger on it, though. Something was askew, something wasn't right with the world. I hadn't jumped on the computer as I normally do when I got home from work. I was gone this weekend. I hadn't heard any news. I hadn't heard "the" news. I hadn't heard that Freddy Fender has passed on.

Most people know Fender for his one huge hit song, "Wasted Days and Wasted Nights." And yes, thats the first song of his I remember hearing also. But he was much more than a one hit wonder. "Before The Next Teardrop Falls" was also a big hit, not to mention one of the most beautiful melodies ever recorded. Other successes include "Vaya Con Dios" and "You'll Lose a Good Thing." And if you haven't heard Freddy's version of "Tell It Like It Is", you havent lived.

Once upon a time I was dating this beautiful girl. And I cannot remember where we were going, but I threw in a cd of The Texas Tornados. That was a "supergroup" consisting of Fender, Augie Myers, Flaco Jimenez, and the late Doug Sahm. She immediately lit up. "You like Freddy Fender?" Indeed I did. "Yeah, what's not to like?" She then told me about when she was little, living with her grandparents. She and her grandmother used to sit in the den at night and her grandmother would play Fender's records and they would sing along, both the English and the songs in Spanish. "She would've liked you," she told me. And thus sentimentality begins. Hmmm. Take a moment to enjoy what Freddy left behind if you get a chance today. It'll be good for the soul. I think I'll go do that now.

Today's post brought to you in part by crystal meth. "Crystal Meth - Crack For Crackers".

Alright so I got paid this morning and I'm fucking around, waiting on the bank to open so I can deposit my check. I arrive at the bank around 9:30 and pull-up to the drive-thru. I didnt have a deposit slip with me and didnt have time to go in so I sign the back, put my account number on there and the amount which I would like deposited, i.e. Deposit: XXXXX. No, it shouldnt take a genius to figure this one out.

So the little door opens and I put the check in, saying "The deposit amount is on the back." to which she replied, "Okay." A minute or so later she's back. "Did you wanna deposit the whole thing?" and I calmly say "No, the deposit amount is on the back by the word 'deposit'." A little smarmy I guess, but come on. And there's this blank stare from her for a second, as if her internal computer is freezing up. She's probably thinking "This guy has no business talking to me like that." All I could think was "This dumb bitch has no business having anything to do with my money."

You know, there's nothing worse on this earth than a stupid person.

Brighter note, funny joke: A man was sitting at the bar, crying in his beer. The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" "My mother-in-law," the man replied. "I have a real problem with her." "Cheer up," says the bartender. "Everyone has problems with his mother-in-law."
"Yeah," the man replied, "but I got mine pregnant."

Awww, how sweet.

We're off to see the Maiden!
The wonderful Maiden of lore
Like we've seen a couple of times,
And hope to see many more!

Because
because
because
because
because,

THEY FUCKING ROCK!!!!!!!!